Gaslighting: The Hidden Trauma in Relationships — And How to Move Past it

Gaslighting isn’t just a buzzword or a disagreement taken too far. It’s a deeply manipulative tactic that undermines a person’s sense of reality, self-worth, and emotional safety. In trauma recovery work, gaslighting is often one of the most confusing and damaging forms of emotional abuse — because it erodes the very foundation of how we trust ourselves.

Whether it happens in romantic relationships, families, friendships, or workplaces, gaslighting is a trauma — and like any trauma, it requires awareness, care, and post traumatic growth.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person tries to make another doubt their perception, memory, or sanity. It often starts subtly but builds over time.

Examples include:

• “You’re overreacting — that never happened.”

• “You’re too sensitive. I was just joking.”

• “Everyone else agrees with me, you’re the only one who sees it that way.”

• Rewriting events, denying things said or done, or shifting blame repeatedly.

The goal — whether conscious or not — is to gain control, avoid accountability, and destabilize the other person’s sense of reality.

Why Is Gaslighting Traumatic?

Gaslighting creates trauma because it attacks a person’s core sense of self. Victims often:

• Begin to question their emotions, thoughts, and memories

• Experience anxiety, confusion, or brain fog

• Develop shame or guilt for setting boundaries

• Feel isolated, unsure of who to trust — even themselves

Over time, this can lead to complex trauma responses: hypervigilance, people-pleasing, emotional dysregulation, and difficulty making decisions.

When someone no longer trusts their own mind, it becomes nearly impossible to feel safe — even when the gas lighter is no longer present.

Signs You May Have Been Gaslit

• Constantly second-guessing yourself

• Apologizing often, even when you’re not sure why

• Feeling like you’re “too sensitive” or “crazy”

• Struggling to articulate what feels wrong in a relationship

• Feeling numb, dissociated, or stuck in a cycle of self-blame

If these feel familiar, know this: You were conditioned to doubt yourself — but you can unlearn that.

Moving Past Gaslighting: 6 Steps to Reclaim Yourself

1. Name It

Recognizing gaslighting for what it is can be liberating. Labeling it helps break the spell. Journaling, talking to a therapist, or reading survivor stories can affirm that what you experienced was real.

2. Reconnect With Your Inner Voice

After gaslighting, your intuition may feel like a stranger. Start rebuilding that connection:

• Check in with how things feel, not how you’re “supposed” to feel.

• Reflect on what you believe, independent of outside opinions.

• Practice saying: “What do I need right now?” or “What do I know to be true?”

3. Create Safety Through Boundaries

Boundaries are how we reestablish control after losing it. That might mean going no-contact, limiting exposure, or learning how to say “no” without guilt.

Boundaries aren’t about punishment — they’re about healing and self-protection.

4. Therapeutic Support

A trauma-informed therapist or coach can be invaluable. Therapy or coaching can help you:

• Validate your experience

• Process emotional pain

• Rebuild trust in yourself and others

• Learn regulation tools to manage triggers

Somatic therapy, EMDR, or inner child work (with a therapist) are especially helpful for gaslighting recovery.

5. Rebuild Healthy Relationships

Post traumatic growth doesn’t happen in isolation. Look for relationships that honor your boundaries, respect your voice, and welcome your full self. These relationships can become the corrective experiences your nervous system needs.

6. Be Gentle With Yourself

Moving past gaslighting is not linear. Some days you may feel empowered; other days, confused or ashamed. That’s normal. What matters is consistently coming back to yourself — over and over.

You’re not weak for being affected. You’re strong for surviving.

Gaslighting is not just a relationship issue — it’s a trauma that deserves your attention to overcome it. If you’ve been gaslit, you are not alone, and you are not to blame. The damage was done to you, but moving past it is yours to reclaim.

You can learn to trust yourself again. You can build relationships rooted in honesty and safety. You can be whole again — because you always were.

If you’re on a road to recovery and want support, tools, or a safe space to process, reach out. Whether it’s one-on-one trauma recovery work or community support, you don’t have to navigate this alone.